In order to improve the quality of my post I have to correct grammatical, spelling errors and in-text referencing errors. I was also asked to link the name of the post more to the content of my post. In my opinion, the name of the post does link with the content. In summary, I am posting about an emotional situation that resulted in me resenting my clinician, at the end of the post I speak about having conjunctivitis in my eyes. The reason why the name of the post is “The eyes are the window to your soul,” is because, my sore eyes were a reflecting of the resentment/negativity that was residing in my soul. This also links up with Guy Winch mentions in the first video which was said to be irrelevant to the post.
A day before I started my clinical block at Groote Schuur Hospital (GSH), my terminally ill cousin (she was diagnosed with cancer) who has been residing In Durban for the past 8 years was transferred to GSH. On my first day at GSH I was asked to go to the oncology ward. For the first time ever, I was reluctant to do what was asked of me by my clinician. This was because I did not want to walk into my terminally ill cousin during my initial GSH experience. As a result of this I asked to go to another ward instead, but, my request wasn’t granted. I then went ahead with my work in that ward against my will. As the days passed, I saw my cousins’ condition worsen rapidly. She passed away two weeks later. I was faced with situations when I had to treat patients that were laying in the same bed that she laid in. I developed a sense of resentment towards my clinician, this resentment escalated. It did not surface outwardly; so everybody thought I was fine, but instead I had a huge rage towards my clinician.
Morally, I think that the clinician could have made provision for me to be swapped with another student, allowing me to work in another ward instead of the oncology ward. This would have been more beneficial for me (and the clinician should have been mindful of what is best for students in certain situations). If I was put in a different ward I would not have been constantly faced with the emotional turmoil (of my dying cousin) while trying to meet my professional and academic demands. If I was in a more healthier emotional state, my patients would have benefited more from my physiotherapy management. On the other hand I can see why she chose to keep me in that ward because; in the real working world (which I will be finding myself in the next 5 months) I will not be able to ‘adjust’ my environment to suit my emotions.
Ethically I was required to treat my patients to the best of my ability and not doing harm to them regardless of the situation I found myself in. I was ethically required to follow the instructions from my superior who was my clinician. If it was not for these ethical boundaries, I probably would have allowed my emotions to dictate my actions. Ethics are put into place to prevent the overstepping of boundaries, these boundaries has governed my decision to act in an ethical manner (Reichner, 2014).
I ruminated on the day that she told me that I had no choice but to work in the oncology ward, this worsened the resentment I experienced towards my clinician. Winch (2015), said: “by battling negative thinking, you won’t just heal your psychological wounds, you will build emotional resilience, and you will thrive in all aspects of your health.” Interestingly enough, just before the start of the exam week of this clinical rotation I got sick (I had conjunctivitis in both my eyes) preventing me from doing my exam. This links with Winchs’ statement, because I had a poor psychological well-being which affected my physical well-being.
The reason why I developed this resentment was because I was nearly forced to see how my cousins condition worsened by the hour while having the pressure of passing exams and getting through my daily patient list. I had to play too many roles at once. I had to be a loving cousin, a professional physiotherapist and a diligent student all at the same time. My resentment escalated to a point where I started feeling bad for having these negative emotions in my heart. I tried to think of my clinician in a more positive light, but I couldn’t. I could reason through why she done what she done, but that resentment still filled my heart. Clark (2015), says that we cannot control how we feel, but we can control the way we act in response to those emotions. Reflecting on this situation, I believe that I have acted in an ethical manner. This was the toughest. I feel like disrespecting her and letting her experience some sort of turmoil too, would’ve been easier to do. Thankfully I have learnt earlier in my undergraduate career that I cannot allow my emotions and morality to affect my professionalism and ethical boundaries which I am bound by. as mentioned before, this has taught me that you cannot always adjust our environment to suit you, you have to adapt! So for that reason I can be thankful for my clinician for not just giving me the easy way out.
Ethics Ted Talk /Haylie Reichner [Video file]. (2014). Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NO4mgCDtMXs
How to Practice Emotional First Aid | Guy Winch | TED Talks [Video file]. (2015). Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2hc2FLOdhI
The Myth of Emotional Control | Elizabeth Clark | TEDxFordhamUniversity [Video file]. (2015). Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YVbtYvgCpo
THE FOLLOWING ARE VIDEOS THAT I HAVE MADE USE OF: